i may or may not be watching the land before time
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
