I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
