Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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