So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
