so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
