And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I had to cum in my sink.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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