He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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