he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
