she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
