hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
