maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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