be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
