Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
