you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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