i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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