I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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