It's Friday. Sex?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
