a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
