Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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