Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
