Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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