You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
