booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I need moral support for this bender
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
