What did we do last night that was yellow?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
