Pappa wants mamma naked
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
