when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
