Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Randomize
