Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
