D3 body, D1 cock
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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