Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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