how can u be prego again
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
