Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
