If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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