If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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