well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
