I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
