Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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