Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
