He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
