Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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