He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
