So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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