dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
