Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
