I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
