A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Plan B is the new Plan A
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
