Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
