we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dick very happy bro
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
