M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
