Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
