We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize