and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
