im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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