At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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