No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
