I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
