What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
where are my eyebrows?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
