Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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