If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
