I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
