if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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