I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
