I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
