One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
