I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This is classic penis vs brain.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
