dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
