she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
