he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
