Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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