SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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