you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
and she was petting her beer can
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
