This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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